Monday, 14 March 2011

Blue Monday






A blue Monday, today?

I met Anja, her friend Marie and Marie's Mother on the way to picked up Anette in the kid garden about 16:40. Anja said that she is allowed by Pappa to go to Marie's home and play with her until 19:00. I said instantly: No! You need to come back home at once and practice your viola. You haven't not practiced a single minute the whole weekend. Then, Marie broke into tears and I could see that her mama was not happy with my disapproval. I suggest the other days of the week that they can play together after school except Tuesday(It is viola lesson every Tuesday). However, she said they have other things to do on the other days. I just felt I must be a "tiger Chinese Mother" in the eyes of Marie's mother.

I admit my heart has been saddened since last Friday. I am trying to post some pictures of happy Anja to cheer myself up a bit, but it seems not helping much. I hope this period of low mood will get over soon.

12 comments:

Di said...

Sometimes as parents you have to be strict - if your child makes a choice to do something then you have to encourage them, even when they don't seem keen! I am sure that she will appreciate it when she is older and she will turn out a better person because of it!

I hope that the coming of spring helps to cheer your mood as I hope it helps to cheer mine!

Yoli said...

Dear Fei An do not feel badly. You were doing the right thing, your child needed to practice and that is her day. There are other days to play. The other little girl's Mom should have been understanding of your situation. You have done nothing wrong, so please do not feel guilty or that you are a Tiger Mom. I have done the same, and will continue to do the same. Like Di said, when a child makes a choice, it is up to us to keep them to their task. That is how discipline is learned. She will feel so accomplished one day. Sending you hugs across the miles.

Yanyan said...

oh FeiAn, I know how you feel, I often feel bad or even a bit guilty after I discipline Landon. But in my heart I know I am doing the right thing and it is good for them. I don't think you are 'tiger mom' Cheer up! by the way, i still 'envy' you of being able to stay that long in China in April. If I get wild and decided to take both kids home, i will drop you an email, would be so cool to meet in person!!

alliot + iza said...

My heart is heavy when i read the news everyday since last Friday ... thinking of people in Japan. Their lives are still threatening by the coming snow storm in certain areas and radiation caused by explosions of the nuclear plant and the coming explosions ... Wish them all fine.

I resonate with your feeling. I always feel guilty after discipline iza :( Though the case maybe a little different since we are living in a community of Chinese. Discipline always comes FIRST in traditional Chinese society. There are so many comments around me criticizing our way on nurturing our child ... many times i can hardly take the pressure from them. I always fluctuate from one extreme to another ... you know, i am just like you ...I will try release the tension through looking into the pictures of my child :) It sounds reasonable for me to help Anja to structure practices, she will learn to know at certain time, it's best to do certain things and get use to set priorities. She will understand she's allowed to play but at the other time slot. Marie and her mother will understand it's just about schedules. Dear Fei An, you do not seize your child's right to play.
Love,
alliot

alliot + iza said...

I mean, you do not and have not seized your child's right to play :)

ChantaleP said...

Aww... I agree with you. The week is for school and sleeping on time and homework if there are any (lucky right now, my 6yo has no homework). But still, I do not allow her to go over friend's homes during the week until Thursday or Friday. Most other moms feel the same way. Don't feel bad. Plus Marie bursting into tears.. haha! What a guilt maker.. Don't worry, my kid's friends all do the same. Waaah! Trying to make you feel like you're the monster. Your daughter and friend will make up the date and play when timing is right. You did the right thing. Summer is the only time I will let my daughter go over a friend's home to play during the week or if it's a one time deal. : )
If we gave in all the time, our kids would have no boundaries... So, cheer up!

ChantaleP said...

Tiger mom.. haha! Too funny. I should be more of a tiger mom.. my daughter doesn't practice her violin often enough.. I'm bad.

Amélie said...

dear tiger Chinese mother !
what's important is you behave as you feel is right and good. ... everyday, helping Elsa structuring her time after school often seems an endless fight which also make me feel guilty some times !
... and the pressure of other's disapproval is always hard to withstand when it comes to parenting (I'm amused because some parents consider me as a strict mother, while others obviously think I'm overindulgent !)

The pictures of Anja are stunningly beautiful. The radiant light and the delicate shade of red. I'm amazed. Dreamy and poetic atmosphere.
Wish you warmer days dear Fei An

Fei An said...

Thank you, my dear friends. Your words warm my heart. ..

It had been a few very low days for me not only because of the " Chinese Tiger Mother" incident, some other things as well. Don't bother to write about it anymore. Think about the people in Japan...

I slept long from last night until 10:00 this morning. Feel much better now. Yes, I will not deny and underestimate myself so easily any more. Trying to be positive, do a better job and be a better person.

Will come to visit your ladies soon.

kitchu said...

I could not have said it any better than Yoli. I hope this sad mood lifts for you. You are a wonderful mother.

kenza said...

I think everyone has been affected by the events around the world. How could we not?
And you are not a "tiger" mommy! I agree with you on your reaction, I tend to be rather strict myself as children I think need guidance from us and reliability. So when we say one thing whether it be Saturday is ice cream, Tuesday is viola, we stick to it and children are happy. If we change our mind, they have no more reference points. Our love, yes that is what they need always and always. And they know we love them because we keep our promises for ice cream and for viola.

The Wanderers' Daughter said...

These photos are amazing...like paintings! So beautiful. You know, we all mother according to our instinct. You are a loving mother, as is clear from your words and photos.